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I need to write down my thoughts - and the cake falls over. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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I need to write down my thoughts [Aug. 30th, 2015|12:26 pm]
I've noticed lately that I have been unable to communicate well.

I think it is because I've decided to stop writing my thoughts down. I have been so... embarrassed i guess to express what is on my mind. Maybe that is where art dies. When you no longer feel comfortable expressing yourself.

I've been so frustrated lately. Everything never seems to come together. People say things will come together, but damn, I don't ever get that. I might have already missed my time. Maybe my time has already passed?!

Ugh. I meet the most amazing girl and turns out I can't have her.
I need to not do what I usually, which is make a huge mess.

I need to stop making messes.
... well I think I've stopped for the most part.

And I find myself so bored.
being good is so boring.

what do I even believe in?

what do I even want?

I'm gonna re-read some of this shit I wrote here because maybe I can laugh at myself some.

anyway.. whatever. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

... just let it out and be unfiltered i'm telling myself in my head right now. So what if these posts seem rambling.

Also.. Update.

I visited Nicole in april. It was awesome to see her. I was so happy.
It was weird being around her after so long.
I met her son.

My heart broke when she told me how everything is going.

Its not going well...

I LOVED that girl so much and to see her where she is. Breaks every bit of me.
Then I left.

I left because I was scared of getting involved.

A week later she told me we can't ever speak again.
... I tried to fight it, but she was being so cruel I just decided FUCK this. I will never have a feeling for this girl ever again.

And that's Nicole... Thats the closing chapter on that.

Another one of my friend's girlfriends likes me.
She's kissed me already... and other things.



I just want to be with someone who is available.